CRY

recently. i'd been seeing a lots of tears streaming from many people. i cant seem to control myself if i see other people's crying. drama queen i am.

last Monday i saw my patient's son. age around 35. crying. and to be surprise. my patient passed away due to intracranial bleed secondary to uncontrolled hypertension. i was shocked. only on the day before i talked to his wife. and today he's gone. I'm sad. even though the doctors had try very hard to resuscitate this patient. he's still gone. his time has come. when i saw his body wrapped in white cloth . i begin to think what will i do and feel if that patient is my father or my family member? i didn't dare to imagine more. its hurts. definitely.

this is why i did not opt for medical course.

on every other day, i saw tears coming from my patients and their family member. the patients they cry because they couldnt bare with the pain that they are having. and their family members cannot stand it anymore seeing their loves one suffering in so much pain. i cant either. everyday they'll be patients screaming that they cant bare the pain anymore. it hurts me seeing them like that. but still i'd to act like i dont care. i know the doctors and nurses also feels the same. but they acted like they dont care. it's just that they need to be strong because there are other patients that still need attetntion from them.

this is why i did not opt for medical course.

i also saw tears tears from the housement officer (HO). she had just being scold by a specialist. i know the senior doctor only get mad when u did things wrongly. they want to teach u so that u wont be harmful doctor. but still its painful when someone shouts and yells at u. on your face. the tension was superb. only those who are strong and know how to manage their stress can become a great doctor

this is why i did not opt for medical course.

i know that I'll see more tears in the future. from people i know or from strangers. at that time u wish u know how they feel. but believe me. it's painful. i can imagine it.

if u really want to be a doctor. u had to consider a lots of things. and if last time u wish u were a doctor. try to consider reversing your wish. it's a tough field. I'm only a part of it now. but i already feel the tension.