IM BACK IN USM

dah 5 hari kat sini. this is my clinical orientation week. and it is damn bored. and it is damn stressful. im so stress knowing to know that i have to do a lot of thing. and learning medicine for another 3 months really stress me up. ingat kan dah tak payah belajaq medic. and sapa kata tak payah. payah la. payah. hoho. payah=very difficult.

plus our posting will be in Hospital Kota Bharu. we ought to take bus at 7am. and stay in HKB until 6pm. from sunday til wednesday. and on thursday we'll be having clinic. and this thursday im gonna meet my first patient. but she dont have to be worry because im only going to do examination on her. tp takut jugak. am afraid that i'll poke her with the probe.

to add more stress. today we got a book. a log book. written there the requirement that we need to fulfill in 2 years time. byk nak mati. and byk gila procedure to be taken before we could actually start anything. nak ambik barang kena isi borang. nak panggil patient we have to isi form. so much to do with ISO and all the birokrasi. but still we have to learn. nak jadi professional. so we must work like a professional.

layak kah diri ini. a question that i always questioned myself.

hm.. first posting=paediatric. the idea of playing with kids and seeing them suffering in pain just make me stress more. i hope i can handle them well. i havent clerk any patient for almost 2 month. dont really know wether i can still remember the procedure.

**happy belated birthday to my cousin nashrah. who already turned 22 on 29th june and to nab dearie, good luck with your clinical year.

roomate kini dan selamanya. miss ain a.j! blur ini ialah style

i swear i miss this fatty so much

p/s- i might not have time to update my blog next time. *sigh*

TAK MAU BLK!!

malas. damn. i feel so lazy to go back to kelantan. living the comfort of my home. living my family, my sayang. mama's cooking. im gonna go back to a place where i have to everything by myself. eat in the cafe. which kinda suck cause the foods there are totally different from my taste. im a kedahan. i eat spicy food. i dont go for sweet char koey teow. and white-nonspicy tomyam. its true that not all food there are sucks. some of the foods there are also nice to eat. but there's nothing in the world that could beat mom's cooks. eventhough it's simple, i still crave for em. and tambah nasi banyak kali. hehe.

and the laundry. argh!!! i hate it so much. i wish i had a washing machine inside my room. then i can wash my clothes easily. i dont have to kumpul theam and carry the heavy bakul to the laundry place. hate it. hate it.

okla. enough of the bable about not wanting to go home.

today i spend my time with my Sayang watching Wanted. the movie where there's angelina jolie in it. its an action movie. i love it. and of cause my Sayang love it. he only love to watch that kind of movie. well. the movie is about assassin. the training was superb. and i wonder i u can actually shoot a gun the way they shot it in that movie. they kinda hit the target when there are halangan in front of the thingy. the bullet will just belok and straight to the target. i know la this is a fiction movie. but can this actually happends in real life? can someone answer me?

after that we have dinner at McD. can i say that me n my Sayang rarely eat at McD. i dont know why. we are not boycotting the restaurant. we just rarely eat at that place. maybe its because in Sungai Petani we have to go to central square to eat at McD. and i hate going to CS except for the movie. because that's the only place in SP that have movie theatre. better than none. i hope there will build another McD somewhere else in SP. then i didnt have to go to CS to just have a burger in McD.

NOTHING

hari ni takdak mood. sbb dah nak kena blk kelantan tercenta. malas. huhu..

GOOD LUCK KAK TEH

kak teh was out in Lumut, Perak for the national choir competition 2008. and she and her friends are representing Kedah. can u believe it my former school SMK Convent Father Barre actully representing Kedah in national level. i cant believe it. who knows such a small school can do such a big thing. (am i overexpressing it or what???!!.hehehe) saya bangga sebenaqnya.

kak teh should be proud because she is following my mom's footstep. who is also a conventian of the same school, who actually represent Kedah with her choir group in 1970s (i forgot the actual year) its not easy for a family to repeat history. and kak teh's doing it.

i hope they win. i hope my school win. i hope Kedah win. tomorrow is the day.

menggedik

and another version of us

p/s-kak teh said lumut's coverage for hp is damn bad. maybe org kuning tak suka dudok situ.hm..

SHOPPING AT SUNWAY WITH AYU

angah kentot, ayu cute, kak teh poyo


obviously kakak n ayu

ayuni trisha binti huzainol hisham n arash badrishah bin huzainol hisham

SANGGUP

hari ni hujan. it was very dark outside. hujan lebat sangat

and i was on the bus to butterworth. to see someone worth in my life.

MY BRAIN STATUS-B.L.A.N.K and ZERO!

that is all i can say right now. blank

my 5 weeks of holiday is gonna end soon. in 5 days. cpt nya. tak nak blk. i wanna stay at home. but i kena blk jugak. i've to strive. now that im engage i should not be lazy anymore. i must change other people's perception that love will only destroy your study.

back to the topic. i think this is the reason why medical student are not supposed to have long holiday. their brain will just go 'karat' due to long time of unusage. thus causing slowness in thinking, calculating and even knowing other people's name.

i think that is what happening to me. during this cuti i did no serious reading. EXCEPT blogs, newspapers, magazines and more magazine and more magazine and more blog. that's all i read. i watch tv a lot n during this 5 weeks i'd watch 3 movies, Indiana Jones, Incredible Hulk and Get Smart. i'd spend a lot of money to buy coffee not to stay up to study but to be awake and watch tv and surfing the net.

hurm.. i think my brain must be very grateful to me, because it hasnt been force to do a lot of work recently. none. the movie that i watch are simple movies that didnt require me to think a lot. and driving in sungai petani didnt really need u to think where to go, how to cilok that cars and so on. so my brain usage is equal to ZERO.

my memory are even worse. i dont need to memorize anything, now that im so free. sometime i even forget what time to pick up my sister. a simple one.

i hope after the new sem start the lil brain can wakes up and do what is supposed and used to do. be a good student (liar.hehe..) hope the 'karat' and damage is not so bizzare and can be fix easily.

im so nervous to enter 4th year of my study. my clinical year. but yet im looking forward of it. hope everything will go smoothly. my life should be simple. not miserable.

i'll miss u a lot

TERGURIS

aku ni mcm nak menunjuk ke? salah ke aku bg tau. slh ke aku ngaku benda yg betul. benda yg elok. argh.. terasa hati!! tp aku pon tak penah heran dgn hati org. silap aku. jujur sgt. i just appreciate honesty so damn much.

just be cool. bkn jumpa dah pon pas ni. tak jemput pon tak pa. pernah tak dijemput. walaupun aku jiran. dosa. tapi org herankah?!

aku terguris ni. perlukah. tp aku terasa.

im not trying to show off pon. im informing sahabat ku.

well. its not worth pon terasa hati. people just dont care. like u. yg tak kisah pasal others

hm..still terasa.

TRUE FRIENDS

4years out of school. friendship are build around me. some friendship from school are still remain tight and even tighter. some of them were build after school time. but as life goes on. we become more matture. and appreciate friendship more. BESTFRIENDs are friends that we share our secrets with. we dont judge each other. but we are happy with each others life. now we dont feel envy or jealous when she talk about her life, about her boyfriends. we share the story and even the experience. with our friends' experience we learn. its more about giving and receiving. life now its not like what it is used to be when we were in school.

sometime peolpe wonder why secrets are not been shared with them. why arent they inform about certain story that we shares with certain people. the answer is simple. it is just because u dont share your story with me. what are u hopuing when u are not doing the same thing.

im not writing this to actually point to somebody.

i only write what i feel.

love u!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy birthday to dear ruzi sayang which was yesterday n naliny sayang which was on 20th. sweeeeet 22..hehe..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME

happy birthday to me. well my birthday was 2days ago. im 22 alreadt. old. or should i say wiser. hehe.. saya dah tua. nope. saya dah matang. konon!

am proud to be 22.

am trying to be more mature.

am wanna be the better.

am missing my dear fiancee...

ENGAGEMENT PICTURES

future maktam and makteh

nodi, me, sya-superb photographer aka my best friends

well..i call him oftenly.huhu..hm..my phone on my selendang




me with one of the hantaran from sayang. chocolate indulgence..



me


me with hantarans from sayang's family

future mom in law




well. these are some of the pictures from the ceremony. i would love to upload everything. there are a lot of pictures. may be i'll upload em in my fp yang dah usang tu. u can also see some of the pictures in my friends fp http://isyania.fotopages.com or my aunty's http://mymystiquememory.fotopages.com which will be uploading later. or even my friendster.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

abah (right) and his friend during his year as army officer

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ABAH!
i love u so much. thanx for being my father. for making breakfast for us. may be it sounds weird that my abah is the one who is making breakfast for us instead of mama. but it is just bacause he loves it so much. he loves helping mama. how i wish my future husband will treat me the same way that abah do.
Abah rarely get mad. he's the quite type. if u met him on the first time u might think he is sombong. but if u get to know him better u'll know that he's as ramah as me. he just need time to really get to know u. thats why most of my friends are knows my mama better than my Abah.
Abah rarely get mad. but once he get angry at us. u'll know what u get. may be no breakfast. or no treat. he'l suddenly become damn quite. extra quite. until u get uncomfie with it.
Abah. i can say that he's a type B person. more relax. more calm. compare to Mama. but they make a perfect couple. at least when Mama freaks out. Abah will try to calm her. most of the time it is like that.
Abah. we love u so much. thanx Abah. Happy Abah's Day!

ENGAGED

courtesy of kelly!

070608- im engaged to my dear sayang. im sorry that i didnt get the chance to invite everyone to the engagement ceremony. i'll sure invite u to my wedding ceremony. i'll upload the pictures when i got the chance.

alhamdulillah. the event went smooth. without me tripping down sbb tepijak kain. except that i was so nervous that i forgot the exact way to smile.huhu!! i was so nervous that i can feel my lips trembling everytime i tried to smile. pergh!!! this was so not what im thinking. so i end up making my pictures look hideous. plus i look extra garang. (well..i am garang!! hehehe..)

anyway, i would like to thank my family. my mama who's so kalot on that day. my aunty teh for making the hantaran. aunty cik thanx make up kan kakak. all my uncles and aunties for helping me. atuchu..thanx for the hantaran. serious npk real. hehe. my friends for being there for me. for being my photographer, mak andam tudung, peneman tika cincin disarung. for the hugs and kisses. my neighbours! thanx. my sayang's family. my sayang. love u so much. i cant wait until we get marry.

I'VE PASS MY EXAM

EVERYONE!! today is like one of the most important day in my life. tha day my result were announced. and im happily and proudly wanna tell everybody that i'd actually pass my professional exam. its mean that i can now proceed my study to the 4th year. im so happy. too happy to describe it in words. oh my god. Thank You ALLAH. for the bless!
to my study partner aka my rakan gelak tawa nangis dan bergossip. thank for helping me yg agak bangang ni. to Dr sya n Dr nodi. i know we can do it.
to Dr Zakuan n Dr Tengku Muzaffar. thank a lot for helping me during my clinical time. i really appreciate u guys. if i were given money for this exam im sure that im willing to share them with u. but i know and will always remember that it can never be paid by money. thanx doc
to my dearest sis Angah sayang. thanx sbb always support kak. thanx sbb tolong beli makanan. thanx angah. kakak sayang angah.
to all my coursemate. congratulation!! we've made it to 4th year. all of us do. see u guys in 4th year. hopefully we'll stay n graduate together. insyaallah!
to those who dont actually make it. i know i wont understand your feeling. but please dont give up. if u think u can than u can (kata-kata prof ravi to my sis)
and to mama and abah and all my family. thanx sbb doakan kakak.
to my sayang. thanx for giving me strength when i was down. for being the shoulder for me to cry.
everyone who i hadnt mention their name but is involved in my life. THANK U!!!

MY EXAM! HOW? WHY?

what is the matter with my exam?! a lots of friend don't actually understand how it is handle. even though i'd explain to them many time. some of my friend still cannot understand how complicated my exam is. meybe some of u have been taking exams just the way that i do. and already understand. but my post today is for those wo didnt really understand

MEQ or modified essay question

this i the paper where all questions are put in one envelope.

u can only takes out one paper at one time. or basically one subquestions.

usually one case will have around4 to 5 sub questions.

u can only take out one subquestion and answer them correctly.

each small questions is to lead u to diagnose the patient's disease.

so u wont know the disease until the last paper u take out.

after finish answering one small question the answer sheet is inserted into another envelope.

then only u can take out the next paper which contain another small question regarding the case.

well. to be more thrill the answer for the question u just inserted into the envelope will be written on top of the sheet of the new questions that u had took out.

if u just answer the previous one correctly, u'll feel ok. but if u were to answer wrongly u'll feel damn frustrated. the common words in my mind is "kenapa la tak terlintas pon benda ni td. i know this!! damn"

MCQ or i dont know.hehe!!

this is the best one.

there are 75 questions with 5 small questions.

so overall there is 375 questions to be answer in 2 and a half hour.

the answer is simple. u should answer TRUE or FALSE.

simple right?!

but the thing is if u were to answer one question incorrectly. 0.5 marks will be deducted from your total mark. for each answer that is wrong minus 0.5

for corraect answer only 1 mark is given.

so u are not encourage to guess.

but for me i 'tembak' a lot.hehe..

use your instincts.

OSCE or something to do with clinical la

there around 21 stations. u'll be placed in the station according to your name.then the bell will ring. that means u can start answering your question for that station.after 5 minutes. the bell will ring again. showing that u have to move to the next station.u have to place your answer sheet in the box provided at that station before moving to answer the questions on the next station.this cycle will go on until u'd finished all 21 stations.pictures, speciment, or anything will be placed at the station and u only have 5 minutes to thing to garu kepala or anything.

clinical

u will have to clerk one patient.

his history. u will not know the patient's diagnosis.

so u have to clerk precisely to actually know the disease

then u will ask to perform physical examination on that patient.

and lastly (my favourite!! uwek!!) discussion dgn doctor.

its suck because u have to face 3 doctors like your having some kind of interview. then they'll ask u questions. regarding the case, the patient or anything under the sun.

tjis is the time where most of my friends including me will suddenly have tought block.

it suck when u know the answer but u cant produce them verbally.

so all of the mark for this exam will be accumulated.

then u'll know your nasib.

wether u'll procede to the next sem.

or u have to stay another year and take the same exams. with different questions of course!!

can u see why im scared of exams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAYANG!

sayang kamu

window shopping

picnic time

happy birthday sayang

on the ferry to penang. i dah lama tak naik ferry. romantika kah?! haha!!

Actually my dearest's sayang birthday is last month. but due to the busyness of study week i dont really have time to actually post this. well. he's 29 this year. the first time we ever celebrate a birthday together. and we will celebrate em again and again. InsyaAllah! there's nothing special about the day except that the time that we'd spend together which is so precious. as i get to see him only once a month. the rest of the time we are only connected through the phone.

we picnic at batu feringgi, penang, its a nice place. but sadly and frankly to say the sea there is not so pretty and clean anymore. but it's not that bad.

happy birthday sayang!

STUDY WEEK ACTIVITIES

coklet cair kerna blk yg terlalu panas. terpaksa makan dgn camca.

aktiviti sehat ketika exam. bermain game yg x berkesudahan.

notes. 13 blocks to study. sapa ada soklan bocor?!

megi yg dimasak oleh chef pandai masak..noorole..hehe..megi kari yg dah bertukar jadi megi goreng

USM YANG CANTEK

usm sangat chantek. macam dkt oversea x?! hehe. sgt la perasaan. these are pictures taken at the place where i study with my study mate every evening. it looks calming right. if only malaysia's weather is a lil bit cool than it is now. then this place would be perfect fo everything. even for picnic. anyway, u should know that USM is a university dalam taman. it has lovely compound and is calming. despite the insects tha keep crawling and bitting us and damaging our skins with scars, it is very green. i love usm. but i cant wait to graduate from here in another 2 years of time. insyaAllah.

a boring routine..am i the only one who feel the tension.

a boring routine. i should say that. everyone would agree with me.
since the study weeks start me and my study mate-nodi &sya- have been doing the same thing everyday.

6am
start dreaming. can u actually believe that i sleep at 6am sometime 7am.
after waking up my sayang i will start my beauty sleep.
but now i dont really enjoy the sleep anymore.
sometime i cant hardly sleep.
when i started to close my eyes, every thing that i study come popping up into my mind.
it's so stressing.

11am. hm..sometime 12pm
i wake up. with a hungry tummy crying to be fill with food.
as usual. i'll take a bath and go to the cafe only to see the same food over and over again.
normally i eat a lot. but recently i try to reduce the propotion of food that i take.
scared that i cant really fit into the engagement dress.
then i start to study again~sigh!~

3pm
i have discussion with my study mate.
we do it outside, under the trees, near the fields.
but now the weather is so damn hot that i noticed im a bit tanned then before.
we discuss until we feel like vomiting.

6pm.
time for me to rest.
sometime i have a brisk walk. alone. with mp3 stuck into my ears.
im trying to ease my mind from stress.
i have my dinner. from the same cafe. sometime i ask my sis to buy it from outside.
but this is kelantan we are talking about. n shhh!! i cant elaborate further.
it might be sensitive to some person.
sometime i cook. instant noodle with extra spice and all. what to do. that is the only thing i can cook using the rice cooker my mama gave.
nap nap nap. sometime. very sekejap.

9am.
watch tv some time.
online to write on my dearie bloggie sometime.
surfing sometime.
nap nap nap sometime.

12am.
start the study group again.
more discussion,
we drink coffee to stay awake.

6am.
sleep~

and the cycle start over again and again.
at least until nex week. 11 may~the day of my exam.
can u see how boring my life is now.
but what to do. i have to.
if this is what i have to do to make me able to proceed my study in 4th year.
I doNT mIND

counting days~caution! anda mungkin akan rasa loya dgn kejiwangan saya

i guess a lot of people might feel sick reading my blog as i always write about LOVE.
ya la. the day is getting so near and i cant really hide the feeling that i am so happy and cant wait to face the day.
i know that it is just an engagement. not even a wedding yet.
but u know. im a girl.
a big one.
and i cant really stop from dreaming of marrying 'the one'.
mama said that u only get marry once in yourlife. insyaAllah ma.
i definitely pray that this relationship will last forever.
and i will o my best to mantain it.
this is a serious matter.
and im not fooling around.

the meaning of love

-cinta-

that day u asked me, "what do u mean by LOVE?"

my answer was, "it is the feeling of caring and respect"

u were not satisfied with that answer.

and when i asked u back. u said "love is to be able to care about somebody without having any real reason"

today i am still standing with the same opinion.

that love is when u learn to respect that person.

but today i would like to add more

i would like to say that love is about respect, and it is about how u accept that person for whom they are, they were and what they will be.

love is pure.

it don't need a reason.

u care about that person and wanting to accept him.

and at the same time u hope that, that person will also accept u for who u are.

love is when u smile and cry together.

u share everything together. without the feeling of boringness.

u enjoy with it.

it is infinity. everyone have their own opinion.

it's ok.

im happy with what i'm feeling right now.

it makes me shine and bloom.

i pray that this feeling will last forever.

people change. but love. it hold us together.

even when everything is changing.

thanx dear~

tima kaseh encik fairuz.even it is made from tissue.i still love it.i appreciate evrything that u do

shopping is the best therapy- a real shopaholic!!

shopping is the best therapy. i dont really know wether shopping can really be the best therapy. after all, when u shop u'll be spending a lot of money. then u'll be more stress. but last week i did went for a shopping therapy. i didnt buy anything expensive. i only bought a cushion for rm10. but it really made me feel better. the stress is gone. even it is only for that moment of time. but it did goes away.

the conclusion=shopping really sooth me.hehehe..!!

so next time, i'll do it more.

saya naik bus ni pi kb mall.hehe..agaklah 'chantek'. i think they need to upgrade this facilities.it's very2 cheap. but hopefully next time it can be more conducive

teman shopping saya, inside the bus. muka penuh habok and asap

noddy-my shopping partner.hehehe

now it's time to talk about PROFESSIONAL exam

i just finish my test just now. so should i say i feel damn relieve because it's over. tp kan the countdown to my PRO exam is getting lesser and lesser. lagi 24 hari ja. so i guess it's not the right time for me to feel relieve la. i hate exam. i hate presenting the case in front of doctors. i like suprises. but not this kind of suprise.

if they tell that is the case then i can prepare. then i'll feel better. what if i were to get the case that is not clear. that i cant diagnosed. that i cant perform the physical examination correctly. i dont like that feeling. i dont wanna have to repeat. it's a painful experience. u'l change once u have to go through that moment. i can see it from the corner of my friends who had gone through it. u wont see it clearly. but somehow u know they change. may be they feel like they dont belong with us who havent gone through it. may be they are just adapting.

but somehow u'll get more mature when u had it. u learn to handle stress. u are much much more ready and experienced when u were to face problems. but for us who hadn't be in your shoes. we think u'd change. eventhough we say hai to each other when we meet. the hai now is different. not like it used to be.

im scared,its scary

i dont like the sense of losing control. i like to be in control. it's just the way i am since before. is it the first child's sydrome?! anyone?!!
i dont like a major changes to happend in my life. i like a normal life. not to plain not to colourful. its just NORMAL.
but what if its fated. what if it is my destiny. will i be able to change it. can i alter my life that had been plan by ALLAH.

whatever it is. im supposed to try my best first right?! im not gonna try. but i will do my best. i'l boost all my energy for this exam. i hope i can make it. but i know one thing for sure. that ALLAH will always Helps those who help themselves.
so i dont wanna missed that chance. i will try to grab it. with best weapon that i have.

by studying smart,hard, and always pray to ALLAH. tawakal.

-friends forever-

exam lagi!

saya penat

pnt sgt

bila exam nak habis ni

dah tak larat

TAPI

pas habis exam ni

i still got another exam to go through

i hope everything's gonna be fine

this exam will be determine wether i can actually proceed to the next level

i'm scared to enter 4th year, to get to handle a real patient

am i capable of doing it

but i'm sick of learning medical stuff

i wanna focus to things that i'd actually chose

i'd spend 3 years learning medical stuff

it is time for me to learn to be a real dentist

but first

i have to go through 'this' first

i hope everyone will pray for me

for us

for SUCCESS

kepenatan study week, lalu tumbuh jerawat yang besar,lalu bosan n bercakap telefon

nodi yang bijak lagi kuat study

bakal professor dean dr sya

all the best everyone

exam! exam! all the best everyone. i hope we all will strive and achieve what ever we had and always dream of.

i'l pray for u

SINCERELy. i will.

ALL THE BEST!!!

exam mood-ting tong-chenta chenta

exam mood?!! izzit?!! am i in the exam mood. its almost 5am in the morning and im stuck on in front of the pc typing, surfing, and most of the time wandering into other people's blogs. without actualy have the exact things to do. i should study now. not wasting my time writing on a blog that people dont actually even give a peek

have u ever feel distress until u r not stress anymore. i think the stress is so much that i am already disensitized to it.

being a dental student who actually have to compulsarily learn medical kinda distress me a lot. anyway i'd gone almost 3 years of learning em.knda have enough stress that i cant feel any stress any more. that is so so bad. i need the stress now to urge me on studying more more hard than before. this exam will actually determine wether i can further my study to nex sem or not. i should study. mesti study.berusaha! berusaha!

i cant wait until this june. where i had pass my exam n just getting ready for the big day.hm.cant wait.eventhough the big day stil dint allow me to do the thing that i cant do now.im still lookng forward it..wish me luck ok!!!its a big phase in my life. its a promise that must be fulfill due to respect and love.

i think i should stop being on the air right now.its not the time yet. i need to focus..

F.O.C.U.S

but still i cant stop thinking of the day.hehe..sayang... i cant wait..everyone! please pray for me.

for my HAPPINESS n SUCCESS.

i'm proud

dr rozieta read my blog. i should be proud. n i should right more. may be i can be a great writer some day. thanx doc!! i'm gonna be a dentist who writes. interesting huh!

him n me

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The article that makes me cries

Every week my Angah will buy a copy of mingguan wanita, a magazine for women. For a 21 yet to be 22 year old lady like me, which ain’t married yet, its quiet weird to read such an adulthood magazines. Normally people at my age will be busy reading magazines on the latest fashion, the latest gossips and etc (mingguan wanita also have news on fashions and gossips). But our Mama had thought to read things that have useful information. Instead of reading those entertainment magz, we r asked to read mags with infos that we can use in the future.

So last month I read an article by Dr. Rozieta Shaari, a motivator, who writes a column ‘rahsia cemerlang’ in that magazine. I forget the title though. She wrote that, during her wedding, her father looked sad and gloomy. She didn’t know the reasons. But she wondered whether her father didn’t like her choice of man or he didn’t want her to get married. She didn’t understand the reasons. Her father was supposed to be happy and delighted that his daughter is getting married and will never become a burden to the family anymore. She didn’t question her father but after almost 20 years of marriage she finally found the answer.

It is her daughter who will get marry and now her husband looks worry, sad and gloomy. Then she understands, its not that his husband don’t like their daughter to get married. Instead, he’s worried of some other things. Whether that guy who just know her daughter for a couple of years will love her the way he do. He questioned himself whether that guy will starve just to let her daughter to eat? Will he work all days and night just to make sure his daughter live comfortably? Will he be patient with her daughter? Will that guy do what he had done in order to protect his daughter? All of these makes him worried and thus looks as he hates the marriage to go on. After cherishing his daughter with all of his love for many years, he now had to let go his daughter to a man who just know his daughter. It is hard for him but he knows he had to do it. Their daughter has grown up and will have her own family. Together with the new guy, they will try to build what she and her husband built, a FAMILY. They will have their own responsibilities. Soon they will have their own children and will also feel the same things.

What makes me sad was to think that my father might also think the same things. Now when ever my Sayang calls my Abah, he will somehow answer like he hated him. I used to wonder and question myself the same thing. But after reading that article, I cried and understand the reason why he acted that way. I changed my perception towards my Abah. May be he felt the same thing about my Sayang. Abah might not hate my Sayang but he’s wondering whether my Sayang can take care of me just the way he did.

May be u didn’t cry after reading this. May be I just had a sensitive heart and soul. But somehow with that article I learned that even though Abah is cold, answering ‘ehemm’ with all of my stories and sometime ignoring my questions, I know that it is just his way of loving. May be he just don’t want to revealed his true feeling. May be he just don’t wanna show how he felt. Any way, I love u Abah. I might not say it to your face. But I do. I really do. And I love u to Mama. Thank for taking care of me, for being patient with my unstable emotions, for supporting every single steps that I had taken, for giving useful advices that make who I am today, for EVERYTHING. I LOVE BOTH of U with ALL my heart. THANK U!

my dearest mama and abah

Sayang, I hope our love will end with a knot that not just will cause us to have to see each others face until we die. But it’s a knot that makes us ONE where we will have to learn on making decisions and everything together. It’s a relation that let us to accept each other for whom we are and what we will be. It let us learn to respect each other. I hope we can get through it even though we are not even near it yet. I love u Sayang. Always do!

meaning of true shopaholic

while im going true sophie kingsella's novels, i was thinking on the real meaning of shopaholic. i was thinking wether i can consider myself a shopaholic.

can shopping calmed u??

that day when we were shopping in kl. there was this intuition in myself. iwas thinking on my savings my future.will i have enough money to survive and everything. instead of focusing on the things so called shopping, i doubt myself with questions on wether i should spend money or not


i guess i wasnt a true shopaholic if i had that feelings rite?! i dont know!!! watching my friends grabbing, and pulling the shirts from pile of more shirts with tags of 50%. i wasnt sure wether i should do the same.well tat is what i used to be.digging and digging.hunting for places with big 50%tags on it.making decisions in like less than 5seconds. and spending on tat i'd already got. but at tat moment this intuition cause me to just stand there and look at my friends. even my angah was going crazy over the sales there (which was very weird for someone named angah!!.sorry angah)


anyway. can i say tat i hv REAL shopaholic friends.hehe.sya n nody.its a compliment for u girls actually

am i??!!

what makes me feel this way.am i getting more matture in making judgement in my life.i still wonder myself.

i just hope that feeling can actually help me to save some money.i should learn on how to manage my finances.instead of going shopping and spending all of my money. so tat in future i wont be spending all of my salary juz for shoppin.i should be more mature as i will have my own family later right. can u imagine me still a shopaholic married to another shopaholic husband.how are we suppose to manage our family.

but still tat moment didnt last for so long.when we were in mid valley.i made a quick decision on buying a pair of rm215 skechers (which im wearing rite now).why wasnt that intuition come again at that time.arghh!! i thought im getting more matured.what a lie! . after paying for the shoes, my heart felt it again.it was saying is it worth for u to buy shoes with that price.its juz gona stay at ur feet.n ur feet not gaoing to say thank u noorole.for buying me such a lovely shoes.(i think i heard my feet saying thank u for buying such a shoes for them before i paid.but why cant i hear it now).luckily, i made a right decisions.that shoes was a heavenly for my feet.i didnt feel that pain on my heels when standing anymore. but wearing tat shoes makes me feel worried everytime i'd to take out before going into the mussola or mosgque. im afraid some one will steal them.hehe..now i wonder on how long will this shoes last

a true shopaholic wont be doubting with feeling of guilty after they buy something. maybe they wil.but not for long. plus. they'l buy things that they alreary had.like shoes,shoes and shoes. they'll have things with price tags on, not scheduled to be wear at anytime soon.

i dont think im a true one right now.the feeling is there. but im tryingmy best to at least reconsider before actually buying something.hope i can hold this feeling.
my weakness for now is food.ican still get over it.if it is spending money for foods.then i didnt even care how much i'l have to pay.as long as im satisfied with it.can it be considered as a shopaholic or foodaholic.hehe..

kay-el! shopping...eating...everything

that day i went shopping in kl.well im a damn shopaholic.i dunno exactly how much i ve spend.but i can say tat i'd spend alot.on foods there.on my new great skechers.jeans.
i feeel like buying anything under the sun. but i guess i can still control my eagerness to shop n juz buy buy n buy.hehe.but on that trip i realized that my dearie friends sya n nodi are much much more true shopaholic than me.hehe.sorry girls.thats juz how i felt that day.

anyway.kl is not a place for living.juz like wat my syg said.u can go there sometym.shopping like crazy.eat like theres no more food. but u juz cant stay there. it was too hectic for me.eventhough i like urban life.i dont think i can manage the stress of traffic jam, waiting for the busses.n plus the food there are much much more expensive then what i can find in sp.

i feel great im staying in sp.

we went to sunway. n it was suck. it was not a place for a muslim like me.im not making a statement tat im a very2 religious person. its juz tat i felt disrespect when i'd paid the same amount like others but was not allow to go on the slides.juz becos im not wearing shorts.wut a reasons.for me sunway is not a place to have fun.huhu

pro pro pro

there are another 89 days til pro.i cant believe it.i think i've only prepared like5% or even less.hahahhaa..im getting crazy.last holiday was full with rnjoying stuffs tat i forget to study aiyak..shopping,dating watching movies thats all i've done.huhu..everyone.plis give me advice and courage so tat i can still be strong to study for my exam.hm..my plan after pro was even bizzare.there are a lots of stuff and thngs to do.place to visits and manymore.the list are endless. but i must first go through the exam and pass it with flying colours.insyaallah. well everyone plis pray for me k..pray tat we'll together success in everythg tat we do.mmuah..love u all

saya syg kamu

well syg u stole my heart..and im loving it...

-kat sini ada kamu!!-noorole

celebrating raya

selamat hari raya to everyone.maaf zhr batin.im hoping for a blissful raya..full with happiness and forgiveness
tok juz went through an operation to remove her cataract.its a minor surgery but i still hope everything will be fine. i hope she's able to c clearly by the time raya came.
hm.this year i got to celebrate raya with all those new -special people in my life.
adik hezryn, adik arash..and sayang who i love with all my heart
to all my friends who's celebrating raya far far away from this country. enjoy ur raya there. not every yr we got to celebrate raya elsewhere.plus, i will miss u guys so much.
fathiah,ida,fina,and many more.

i havent been updating my blog for a really long time.eventhough no one read it.huhu..
right now all i can say is that im so happy to have him with me. thanx dear!!

The Confident that I Gain

I did it!! What did I do?? Actually, I finally had the courage to talk in front of people. Although there were only 60 people, but i feel so proud of myself. It is the most scary thing that I ever think of doing.
It might not be a big thing to certain people but for me it is a pretty big thing. As i never had the courage to do such thing. I don't know why I feel so scared standing in front of people. I don't feel confident because i'm not smart, not pretty and not good in english. I'm scared that I will stumb during the presentation. I'm scared that I will look stupid in front of other people. I'm scared that people will not understand what I'm trying to tell them.

I wanna be brave and to be able to speak in front of people

Yesterday I did it, Nasyitah and I had represent my group to present the oral diagnosis seminar. Initially, i wasn't the one selected for the presentation. It was someone else. But due to symphaty and empathy to my dearest friend who was not ready to speak in front of everyone, I voluntered myself to do it. I was so scared at first. I feel inferior that people will judge me ( as there were also great presenter in my group ) but somewhere somehow i got the courage to actually do it. It was the clinical year who make me feel so encouraged to do it.
I thought about the clinical year where we are suppose to present our case in front several doctors ALONE. It was quite scary. Therefore, I took the chance to embrace myself with this experience. I want to get myself ready. I want to gain the confident. I don't want to feel scared anymore. I want that courage.

I wanna be confident

Eventhough Nasyitah was there, and the lecture theatre was pretty small. I still feel satisfied after doing it. There was a saying, 'your enemy is your greatest fear', that's what making me feel so eager on doing the presentation. And I am not ashamed to say that I feel proud of myself. In the future, I'm hoping that I'll be more confident to do it. You are not suppose to feel scare of anyone and anything beside ALLAH. That's also the reason why i feel so eager to do it again later.
'Ya ALLAH please let me gain the confident. I'm not trying to be over confident, I wanna be moderate, like U always want us to be. AMIN'

Lazyness

i have been very lazy lately. i don't even know why. i'd asked several of my friends wether they had the cure for my disease. any drug, any vitamin that can work. and then i came across i one my friend's friend. she introduced me spirolina. she claimed that this thing can make u feel more energetic and cure the 'disease' that i had.
So, i browse through the internet for infomation on spirolina. Wether i t had any side effects and so. I found out a lot of thing. The thing about internet is that u never know which infomation u should take, and which one u should discard. Therefore, i still don't know wether i will try on spirolina because i came across a facts that it contains dirt from insects and so. I don't know wether it's true or not. But i'm still considering it. I got exhausted too easily, and i think i need help. Can anyone help??!!